"It's Columbus Day, everyone.
Please be sure to ignore the historically illiterate know-it-alls who will spend today screaming about a fictional version of history where Europeans introduced rape, pillage, and slavery to the peaceful and noble inhabitants of the New World. It would of course be quite impossible for the Spanish to introduce rape, pillage and slavery to an Indian culture where rape, pillage, and slavery had been utterly commonplace for centuries.
Notice that these self-hating, white-guilt-ridden folks would never suggest that the nightmarish brutality of many Indian tribes outweighs whatever they accomplished. Even their propensity for cannibalism must be understood in context, we're told. Yet, somehow, the sins of some European settlers automatically negate what the European explorers achieved and discovered. Funny how that works.
"But," the modern critic responds with smarmy contempt, "Columbus didn't even MEAN to discover America! And he never set foot in North America! And the Vikings got here first!"
Yes, those are all nice little tidbits of information you acquired from Facebook memes, but how are they relevant? Of course Columbus didn't mean to discover America. Nobody knew that America existed. How could they know? If -- that's IF -- the Vikings did stumble upon Newfoundland at some point centuries prior, they didn't establish a lasting colony, they didn't continue their exploration, and they didn't understand the significance of their discovery or leave clear records of it. So, as far as Europe knew in 1492, the world consisted of one giant land mass and one huge ocean dotted with islands. Someone had to get in a ship and sail across it to find out what lay on the other side. Columbus answered that call.
They didn't have satellites, remember. Columbus navigated mostly with dead reckoning through completely uncharted waters. Over the course of his voyages, he discovered many Carribean islands and explored the coast of South America. He didn't make it to North America but he made it possible for future settlers to soon find it. That's quite an achievement, I would say. You'd think people who can't locate their local supermarket without GPS would be impressed with a guy who made it 9,000 miles from Spain to the Caribbean without so much as a map, and then repeated the feat three more times.
And what about the Indians Columbus encountered? Yes, some of them were peaceful, but we have taken this image of the peaceful Indian to ridiculous lengths. Bear in mind, a tribe called the Caribs reigned terror on the region where Columbus landed. These were a brutal and violent people who regularly feasted on human beings. Columbus heard stories of them on his first voyage and encountered them on his second.
Here's something they don't teach in schools: Columbus actually freed a number of Indian captives that the Caribs were preparing to eat. In one village, the Spaniards found a young boy tied up, being fattened for consumption like some kind of farm animal. This is the kind of depravity that existed in our hemisphere before Europeans showed up. Sure, the Spaniards committed their own evils, but nothing that can quite match the grotesque wickedness of eating children.
Keep in mind also that Columbus would have been relatively close to Aztec territory. He never encountered them (that run-in would occurred a couple of decades later) but the Aztecs were a bloodthirsty and savage civilization. This is a society that practiced human sacrifice on a scale impossible to comprehend. Most historians estimate that the Aztecs sacrificed around 50 thousand people a year. Every subjugated tribe had to pay yearly tribute to the Aztec emperor by offering up some of their women and children, who would then have their hearts ripped out and their limbs eaten.
Columbus never governed with the savagery of an Aztec king or even a Carib chieftain, but he was a pretty bad governor in his own right. And he took slaves, that's true. He was a man of his time in that way. Although the Spanish would soon outlaw the practice, and beat almost every other culture in the world by hundreds of years in doing so, they cannot be absolved of their role in the global and ubiquitous evil of slavery.
All in all, it must be said that Columbus was brilliant on the sea but not so brilliant on land. This is a common dynamic. Cortes was a great warrior when he conquered the Aztecs, but he was not a very good governor afterwards. Magellan was an incredible navigator who sailed the circumference of the globe (almost) but he got himself killed in an unnecessary battle with a tribe in the Philippines. Much of what made Columbus, Cortes, and Magellan great in their element is what caused problems when they were outside of that element. They did things nobody had ever done and went places places nobody had ever gone, but they didn't know what to do once they got there.
Some say that Columbus was only ever driven by a hunger for gold. But if all Columbus wanted was fame and riches, he could have retired after the first voyage and lived in a luxurious estate in the Spanish countryside, reaping all the profits that were due to him based on the agreement he signed with the King and Queen. But men like Columbus are never driven mainly by money. The money grubbers always come later, using the trails forged by men who sought greater things. And for Columbus those greater things included finding evidence that America was actually Asia, and establishing the seeds of a Christian civilization in the New World. He failed in the first goal but succeeded in the second and more important one.
Not bad, in my opinion.
Perhaps you could have done better, but probably not. You probably wouldn't have even tried. And that's why Columbus gets his own holiday. He earned it. You might complain about him, but I take note of the fact that you still remain in this country, living off the fat of its land and enjoying fruit from trees planted by men greater and more significant than yourself. So, go ahead and scoff at those men as you feast on the bounty they provided you. But pardon me while I dismiss your criticism and offer up a little toast to the great Christopher Columbus.
Thanks for your contributions, old man.
I, for one, appreciate it.
Happy Columbus Day!”
Please be sure to ignore the historically illiterate know-it-alls who will spend today screaming about a fictional version of history where Europeans introduced rape, pillage, and slavery to the peaceful and noble inhabitants of the New World. It would of course be quite impossible for the Spanish to introduce rape, pillage and slavery to an Indian culture where rape, pillage, and slavery had been utterly commonplace for centuries.
Notice that these self-hating, white-guilt-ridden folks would never suggest that the nightmarish brutality of many Indian tribes outweighs whatever they accomplished. Even their propensity for cannibalism must be understood in context, we're told. Yet, somehow, the sins of some European settlers automatically negate what the European explorers achieved and discovered. Funny how that works.
"But," the modern critic responds with smarmy contempt, "Columbus didn't even MEAN to discover America! And he never set foot in North America! And the Vikings got here first!"
Yes, those are all nice little tidbits of information you acquired from Facebook memes, but how are they relevant? Of course Columbus didn't mean to discover America. Nobody knew that America existed. How could they know? If -- that's IF -- the Vikings did stumble upon Newfoundland at some point centuries prior, they didn't establish a lasting colony, they didn't continue their exploration, and they didn't understand the significance of their discovery or leave clear records of it. So, as far as Europe knew in 1492, the world consisted of one giant land mass and one huge ocean dotted with islands. Someone had to get in a ship and sail across it to find out what lay on the other side. Columbus answered that call.
They didn't have satellites, remember. Columbus navigated mostly with dead reckoning through completely uncharted waters. Over the course of his voyages, he discovered many Carribean islands and explored the coast of South America. He didn't make it to North America but he made it possible for future settlers to soon find it. That's quite an achievement, I would say. You'd think people who can't locate their local supermarket without GPS would be impressed with a guy who made it 9,000 miles from Spain to the Caribbean without so much as a map, and then repeated the feat three more times.
And what about the Indians Columbus encountered? Yes, some of them were peaceful, but we have taken this image of the peaceful Indian to ridiculous lengths. Bear in mind, a tribe called the Caribs reigned terror on the region where Columbus landed. These were a brutal and violent people who regularly feasted on human beings. Columbus heard stories of them on his first voyage and encountered them on his second.
Here's something they don't teach in schools: Columbus actually freed a number of Indian captives that the Caribs were preparing to eat. In one village, the Spaniards found a young boy tied up, being fattened for consumption like some kind of farm animal. This is the kind of depravity that existed in our hemisphere before Europeans showed up. Sure, the Spaniards committed their own evils, but nothing that can quite match the grotesque wickedness of eating children.
Keep in mind also that Columbus would have been relatively close to Aztec territory. He never encountered them (that run-in would occurred a couple of decades later) but the Aztecs were a bloodthirsty and savage civilization. This is a society that practiced human sacrifice on a scale impossible to comprehend. Most historians estimate that the Aztecs sacrificed around 50 thousand people a year. Every subjugated tribe had to pay yearly tribute to the Aztec emperor by offering up some of their women and children, who would then have their hearts ripped out and their limbs eaten.
Columbus never governed with the savagery of an Aztec king or even a Carib chieftain, but he was a pretty bad governor in his own right. And he took slaves, that's true. He was a man of his time in that way. Although the Spanish would soon outlaw the practice, and beat almost every other culture in the world by hundreds of years in doing so, they cannot be absolved of their role in the global and ubiquitous evil of slavery.
All in all, it must be said that Columbus was brilliant on the sea but not so brilliant on land. This is a common dynamic. Cortes was a great warrior when he conquered the Aztecs, but he was not a very good governor afterwards. Magellan was an incredible navigator who sailed the circumference of the globe (almost) but he got himself killed in an unnecessary battle with a tribe in the Philippines. Much of what made Columbus, Cortes, and Magellan great in their element is what caused problems when they were outside of that element. They did things nobody had ever done and went places places nobody had ever gone, but they didn't know what to do once they got there.
Some say that Columbus was only ever driven by a hunger for gold. But if all Columbus wanted was fame and riches, he could have retired after the first voyage and lived in a luxurious estate in the Spanish countryside, reaping all the profits that were due to him based on the agreement he signed with the King and Queen. But men like Columbus are never driven mainly by money. The money grubbers always come later, using the trails forged by men who sought greater things. And for Columbus those greater things included finding evidence that America was actually Asia, and establishing the seeds of a Christian civilization in the New World. He failed in the first goal but succeeded in the second and more important one.
Not bad, in my opinion.
Perhaps you could have done better, but probably not. You probably wouldn't have even tried. And that's why Columbus gets his own holiday. He earned it. You might complain about him, but I take note of the fact that you still remain in this country, living off the fat of its land and enjoying fruit from trees planted by men greater and more significant than yourself. So, go ahead and scoff at those men as you feast on the bounty they provided you. But pardon me while I dismiss your criticism and offer up a little toast to the great Christopher Columbus.
Thanks for your contributions, old man.
I, for one, appreciate it.
Happy Columbus Day!”
