Kids and fighting

[JonnyVito]

So I don't have any kids yet and just wonder how some of you parents handle this stuff.

So if a kid is bullying you child at school what do you tell the kid and how do you go about stopping it? I ask because I saw a parent on FB complaining how their child is bullied at school and they have talked with the teacher, principal, councilor and superintendent of the school. They said the problem is still going on and nothing has been changed. Now if this was me I would just tell my kid to punch them square in the nose and we will deal with the fall out. Even if the bully fights back and beats my kid up the bully will know he or she isn't an easy target. To me this just seems better then put up with doing nothing and seeing the kid suffer all year. Now like I said I don't have kids so I didn't know if the schools have just went nuts with punishment for fighting and this is why.

 

[nathajw]

I have never had the problem and hope I never do. Bullying goes way way way beyond physical these days. Mob mentality, internet stalking, social media, etc. Both of my sons go to after school karate until I pick them up after work around 6 and they both wrestle in the winter so hopefully they'll be prepared if it ever comes to that. We've had the defend and stand up for yourself talks. I've told them I won't punish them if they get in trouble at school if it was for self-defense and to not let other kids put their hands on them ever.

That being said, the school system mine attend in DFW is so strict with bullying that it's kind of crazy. Apparently my kindergartner told a kid that he was going to "put him in the sleeper hold" if he didn't give him back his toy during free time. Nothing happened, he didn't touch the kid, they're friends and have been all year. Zero issues between the two. Well, TWO WEEKS after this supposed event happened the kid randomly told his parents and they called the school. So now after phone calls/emails from the schools and a meeting with the teacher, my 6 year old has this "incident" on his record in his "permanent file" that will follow him all the way until he graduates from high school if we don't take him to another school/area.

If my son told me that a kid told him he was going to put him in the sleeper hold I would have said "Okay? Well don't let him". Call the school? That's embarrassing, they were freaking 5 years old at the time. It still pisses me off.

 

[100TonsofOrangeFury]

So I don't have any kids yet and just wonder how some of you parents handle this stuff.

So if a kid is bullying you child at school what do you tell the kid and how do you go about stopping it? I ask because I saw a parent on FB complaining how their child is bullied at school and they have talked with the teacher, principal, councilor and superintendent of the school. They said the problem is still going on and nothing has been changed. Now if this was me I would just tell my kid to punch them square in the nose and we will deal with the fall out. Even if the bully fights back and beats my kid up the bully will know he or she isn't an easy target. To me this just seems better then put up with doing nothing and seeing the kid suffer all year. Now like I said I don't have kids so I didn't know if the schools have just went nuts with punishment for fighting and this is why.

I posted about this a couple months ago, but my strong suspicion is that bullying and certainly fighting are much less common than they were 20 or 30 years ago. Not sure why, but I think only one of my kids has so much as ever witnessed a playground fight. The emphasis on bullying is a good thing, teenagers kill themselves or others over that stuff, so it's a change for the better.

Then of course, you have situations like 5 year olds and sleeper holds, and you just have to remember you're dealing with school administrators and roll your eyes.

 

[TheRedSon]

Any time the "bully" word is mentioned administrators go into CYA mode these days. That's probably a good thing overall. It is a very big problem.

The physical stuff isn't really what's scary anymore. It's the internet bullying the kids can't get away from that causes serious issues.

 

[JonnyVito]

The person complaining said the other kid was physically hurting their kid and it has been going on for months and the kid is now having poor grades from it. I just thought man I would have given the green light long ago for my kid to have punched this kid back.

 

[osu2082]

In think 100tons is correct in the fact that physical bullying and physical altercations are not as common as they used to be but "bullying" in other forms is much more common.

 

[AC_Exotic]

My son is 18 now and getting ready to graduate. We've had to move several times over the years until we settled down where we are at now (been here 7 years).

At almost every school he had to prove himself and kids can be jerks. I always told him if a kid starts something to punch him square in the nose.

He asked, "What if the kid is bigger and tougher than me?"

I told him that there almost always will be a kid bigger and tougher but that if they know you won't back down and will be willing to take a hunk out of his hide that kids won't mess with him. It's worked pretty well.

In fact when we moved to our current town he bloodied a bully's nose and I was called into the school office. The principal told me that the other kid had it coming.

But I don't think kids fight much these days in school. That's probably a good thing.

 

[ctrawick]

Bullying can take the strongest and most confident kid from 10-0 in days, not weeks or months. Do not count on anyone in the school system to do anything about it...

 

[MegaPoke]

Anonymous cyber bullying has opened the door for anyone who is cruel and clever to carry out emotional terrorism virtually without consequence

 

[Wally12]

I will tell my kids to dot the bully's eye. And then if the internet crap starts up, I'll show up at their house and me and the parents are going to have a problem.

 

[MegaPoke]

I will tell my kids to dot the bully's eye. And then if the internet crap starts up, I'll show up at their house and me and the parents are going to have a problem.

Same, but the problem with the internet stuff is anonymity. In this way, bullies these days can look more like Mark Zuckerburg than someone physically intimidating. Good luck getting facebook or yahoo to give up any info on stuff like this if it does happen.

 

[Wally12]

Good point. But, in my experience working with middle school and high school kids, the online bullies aren't smart enough to keep their bullying a secret, and almost always run and tell their friends what they did and who they said it to. We recently had a problem at the HS with an "anonymous" app called After School, where kids could log on based on their high school and post anonymous comments. A lot of crude, mean, or just plain messed up stuff was posted. The supe and principal finally called the entire 6-12 student body into the auditorium and threatened them with expulsion and warrants if they didn't fess up by noon on Monday. Problem was, these dummies had already told all their friends what they had posted so it didn't take long to figure out who the main culprits were.

 

[Rulz]

My stepson had a "buddy" that is a known ass wipe at his school. They were kinda getting along but they went on a field trip and the other kid started being an ass as is his standard MO, and my stepson planted him on the ground after some wrestling. Done deal, and I thought it was all over. A week later, they started getting into arguments at school, because the other kids were making fun of the guy for getting pinned by my stepson. They go to the principals office to sort things out...and he tells them they can go ahead and fight but not on school property. This pissed me off. Because I was never called and my wife was at work. So they had their little fight and my stepson I suppose just wanted it all to be over and basically didn't fight back, and ended up bloodied pretty good.

I called the principal after I found out what happened and chewed his ass for 20 minutes. Yeah, growing up, I settled things with kids with fights, but my stepson doesn't have that instinct in him that I had, and there's more to his history that really precluded him needing to be getting into fights. Some psychological things that I would rather not disclose, but if I had known this was going on I would have put a stop to it and had both sets of parents in the office at least to discuss he situation. Maybe it would have helped, maybe not, but I never got that chance. I spent that evening cleaning him up and making sure he didn't have an eye injury. I drove over to the kids house and had his dad come outside and interrogated him about the situation, he tried telling me his son was a pansy and would never fight. He was still incredulous after me showing him pictures, and I told him to start paying attention to his son since he seemed to have more issues going on than his obviously naive parents realized, and that if the bs kept going on I would make sure and put a stop to it if the school and his dumb ass didn't. There's more to that, but again, would rather not disclose everything. After that, his dad apparently started picking his son up from school everyday and making sure he was at home, and everything cooled off. But I was still in disbelief in how the principal handled it. Perhaps I would have been all for two boys "getting it over with", but with social media, videos of the fight being posted atterwards, etc., it's rarely just "over and done with".

Anyway, each situation is going to be different, but if a parent or school official knows of an incident taking place, I feel it is their duty to put a stop to it before action and reaction occur. It can get ugly these days.

 

[nathajw]

Perhaps I would have been all for two boys "getting it over with", but with social media, videos of the fight being posted atterwards, etc., it's rarely just "over and done with"

This is what is sickening with today's society and youth too. I grew up in the 90s right before the social media and cell phone boom (thank God) and when you duked it out and maybe came up on the losing end so what? It happened, it was over and done with and chances are you were friends with the guy after some time passed. Now you see these videos of a kid getting beaten down and 6 other kids standing over them with their cell phones mocking him/her. Who wants to stand up for themselves only to end up getting it put on them and the video of it being online for eternity and to be teased for getting your ass kicked? I always see World Star videos being posted of fights and I can't watch them, it bothers me.

Another thing, does anyone fight 1 on 1 anymore and if they do (or don't) isn't a fight over once a guy is done? You don't need to keep beating him or kicking him in the head but I guess that is all a completely different topic.

 

[Poketologist]

Firstly all, the school - teachers, principals, etc won't do jack. They handle complaints from dozens of parents daily. Another one about bullying is just ignored. Sure, they may give you lip service but don't count on any action whatsoever.

Second, just tell your kid it's ok to defend himself. My son was being picked on by a mouthy bully a couple years back. My boy is the smallest one in his class. He is also a nerdy math geek. Also he struggles with self- control so when that bullying little bastard (who outweighs my kid by 50 lbs and is also the asst principal's kid) - got out of line, my son put him on the ground with the heel of his hand right into his nose. He's never been bullied again.