Note: This is not meant to be a mean spirited post, no offense meant to anyone. If you are included, it is because you are a long time poster on this site and hopefully you get a chuckle out of it.
The OStateIllustrated Saga: A Parody of Power Plays and Popcorn Presidents
Jeff Johnson, the swaggering sultan of OSTATEILLUSTRATED, now watches his digital dominion crumble faster than his cattle ranch and those ill-fated crypto-cow NFTs. His empire, like a poorly timed pass in Bedlam, is getting intercepted—by none other than On3.com, the slick media mogul that just snatched up Rivals, OSTATEILLUSTRATED’s parent company, in a deal that left Southernpoke and CowboyJD clutching their golf clubs and soccer scarves in disbelief. On3 saw the site as a revenue goldmine, a diamond in the rough with untapped potential—if only they could replace Jeff with someone hungrier, someone who’d turn the editorial and research game into a powerhouse. Problem is, Jeff’s operating agreement, barely skimmed by CowboyJD’s whiskey-soaked legal eye, is a legal fortress. On3’s plan? A creative sidestep: “promote” Jeff to a ceremonial role—think “Chief Nostalgia Officer”—while quietly hiring a pitbull editor to run the show, all without breaching the contract’s fine print.
Here’s the updated cast of characters in this Oklahoma-sized circus:
AC2020 – The revered, silver-haired sage of the Rivals Main Board, a poster whose wisdom is matched only by his inbox’s chaos. AC2020’s DMs are a hotline for On3’s hostile takeover tea, spilling the behind-the-scenes duress to The Corral with the finesse of a seasoned rodeo announcer. From On3’s boardroom schemes to Jeff’s contract loopholes, AC2020’s leaks keep the faithful informed, rallying the board with wit and grit. His rallying cry? “The Corral holds the line!” Fans on X are already begging him to start a podcast.
Southernpoke – Atlanta’s slumlord supreme, too busy shanking drives into sand traps and cheering on the Mustang Softball team to notice On3 outfoxing him. His grand plan to slap a paywall on every OSTATEILLUSTRATED post? Dead on arrival. Now he’s muttering about buying a rival site, but his investors are too busy laughing at his +30 golf handicap.
CowboyJD – The bankruptcy “guru” who thought he’d swoop in to foreclose on Jeff’s last pixel. Instead, he’s nursing a hangover and a bruised ego after On3’s lawyers ran circles around his shoddy review of Jeff’s operating agreement. His latest pitch? Charging for “premium” emoji reactions on posts. Good luck with that, JD.
OSU2082 – This Oklahoma House rep bet the farm on getting Governor Kevin Stitt crowned OSU president, envisioning a MAGA-fied campus with Gundy sacked and a Stitt statue in Stillwater. Epic fail. OSU instead hired Dr. Vernon Redenbacher, an Orville Redenbacher doppelgänger whose bowtie and popcorn vibes scream “interim” more than “innovator.” Meanwhile, peer institutions like Texas A&M tapped Mark Welsh, a retired Air Force general with a Ph.D., and Kansas State snagged Richard Linton, a data-driven ag expert. OSU2082’s still ranting about “Gundy Derangement Syndrome” on X, but his clout’s fading faster than Stitt’s approval ratings.
OSUCAESAR – Fresh from gatecrashing Pope Francis’ funeral, this self-styled Vatican VIP is now wining and dining cardinals in Rome’s finest trattorias, pushing Hungarian Cardinal Péter Erdő as the Catholic Church’s savior. Between bites of carbonara, he’s preaching that OSTATEILLUSTRATED’s fall is divine retribution for Jeff’s crypto sins. Salvation donations now accepted via Venmo.
Squinky – The site’s chaotic wildcard, plotting a Mother’s Day bash at a smoke-choked Stillwater bowling alley, complete with Bigfoot-themed lane decorations and a vintage Dr Pepper fountain. He accidentally crashed On3’s acquisition call, ranting about Gundy’s mullet as a recession predictor. On3’s execs are secretly intrigued—he might just be their next viral columnist.
MajorMike_Ret – OKC’s resident hoops Nostradamus, gleefully dancing on the Thunder’s loss to Denver. He’s cooking up a trade proposal to end all trades: sell the farm—Shai, Chet, draft picks, and the Paycom Center’s naming rights—to bring Russell Westbrook back to OKC for a jersey retirement bash. Vegas oddsmakers are already betting against him, and X is roasting his “Giddey = tall Ricky Rubio” take into oblivion.
OKSTATE1 – The verbose vigilante of OSTATEILLUSTRATED, now a Grok-powered wordsmith with fewer typos and sharper facts. His 12,000-word manifesto against On3’s takeover cites the Magna Carta, an 1897 cattle law, and Grok’s own API docs. Robert Allen, Pokes Report’s big dog, slid into his DMs, begging him to join the team for his spellcheck skills and knack for sniffing out BS. OKSTATE1’s holding out for a corner office and a byline, don't hold your breath OKSTATE1.
Plot Twist: On3’s masterminding a stealth overhaul. They’re eyeing a new editor—think a young, aggressive type with a knack for viral content and deep-dive recruiting scoops—to juice OSTATEILLUSTRATED’s revenue. Jeff’s contract? A legal landmine, but On3’s lawyers are crafting a workaround: Keep Jeff on payroll as a “brand ambassador” while the new hire runs the show. Meanwhile, Southernpoke’s peddling NFTs of his golf swing to fund a comeback, CowboyJD’s pitching a pay-per-like scheme, and Squinky’s Beanie Baby empire is somehow outbidding them all. Can Jeff fend off On3’s editorial coup? Stay tuned—this Stillwater soap opera’s just heating up.
The OStateIllustrated Saga: A Parody of Power Plays and Popcorn Presidents
Jeff Johnson, the swaggering sultan of OSTATEILLUSTRATED, now watches his digital dominion crumble faster than his cattle ranch and those ill-fated crypto-cow NFTs. His empire, like a poorly timed pass in Bedlam, is getting intercepted—by none other than On3.com, the slick media mogul that just snatched up Rivals, OSTATEILLUSTRATED’s parent company, in a deal that left Southernpoke and CowboyJD clutching their golf clubs and soccer scarves in disbelief. On3 saw the site as a revenue goldmine, a diamond in the rough with untapped potential—if only they could replace Jeff with someone hungrier, someone who’d turn the editorial and research game into a powerhouse. Problem is, Jeff’s operating agreement, barely skimmed by CowboyJD’s whiskey-soaked legal eye, is a legal fortress. On3’s plan? A creative sidestep: “promote” Jeff to a ceremonial role—think “Chief Nostalgia Officer”—while quietly hiring a pitbull editor to run the show, all without breaching the contract’s fine print.
Here’s the updated cast of characters in this Oklahoma-sized circus:
AC2020 – The revered, silver-haired sage of the Rivals Main Board, a poster whose wisdom is matched only by his inbox’s chaos. AC2020’s DMs are a hotline for On3’s hostile takeover tea, spilling the behind-the-scenes duress to The Corral with the finesse of a seasoned rodeo announcer. From On3’s boardroom schemes to Jeff’s contract loopholes, AC2020’s leaks keep the faithful informed, rallying the board with wit and grit. His rallying cry? “The Corral holds the line!” Fans on X are already begging him to start a podcast.
Southernpoke – Atlanta’s slumlord supreme, too busy shanking drives into sand traps and cheering on the Mustang Softball team to notice On3 outfoxing him. His grand plan to slap a paywall on every OSTATEILLUSTRATED post? Dead on arrival. Now he’s muttering about buying a rival site, but his investors are too busy laughing at his +30 golf handicap.
CowboyJD – The bankruptcy “guru” who thought he’d swoop in to foreclose on Jeff’s last pixel. Instead, he’s nursing a hangover and a bruised ego after On3’s lawyers ran circles around his shoddy review of Jeff’s operating agreement. His latest pitch? Charging for “premium” emoji reactions on posts. Good luck with that, JD.
OSU2082 – This Oklahoma House rep bet the farm on getting Governor Kevin Stitt crowned OSU president, envisioning a MAGA-fied campus with Gundy sacked and a Stitt statue in Stillwater. Epic fail. OSU instead hired Dr. Vernon Redenbacher, an Orville Redenbacher doppelgänger whose bowtie and popcorn vibes scream “interim” more than “innovator.” Meanwhile, peer institutions like Texas A&M tapped Mark Welsh, a retired Air Force general with a Ph.D., and Kansas State snagged Richard Linton, a data-driven ag expert. OSU2082’s still ranting about “Gundy Derangement Syndrome” on X, but his clout’s fading faster than Stitt’s approval ratings.
OSUCAESAR – Fresh from gatecrashing Pope Francis’ funeral, this self-styled Vatican VIP is now wining and dining cardinals in Rome’s finest trattorias, pushing Hungarian Cardinal Péter Erdő as the Catholic Church’s savior. Between bites of carbonara, he’s preaching that OSTATEILLUSTRATED’s fall is divine retribution for Jeff’s crypto sins. Salvation donations now accepted via Venmo.
Squinky – The site’s chaotic wildcard, plotting a Mother’s Day bash at a smoke-choked Stillwater bowling alley, complete with Bigfoot-themed lane decorations and a vintage Dr Pepper fountain. He accidentally crashed On3’s acquisition call, ranting about Gundy’s mullet as a recession predictor. On3’s execs are secretly intrigued—he might just be their next viral columnist.
MajorMike_Ret – OKC’s resident hoops Nostradamus, gleefully dancing on the Thunder’s loss to Denver. He’s cooking up a trade proposal to end all trades: sell the farm—Shai, Chet, draft picks, and the Paycom Center’s naming rights—to bring Russell Westbrook back to OKC for a jersey retirement bash. Vegas oddsmakers are already betting against him, and X is roasting his “Giddey = tall Ricky Rubio” take into oblivion.
OKSTATE1 – The verbose vigilante of OSTATEILLUSTRATED, now a Grok-powered wordsmith with fewer typos and sharper facts. His 12,000-word manifesto against On3’s takeover cites the Magna Carta, an 1897 cattle law, and Grok’s own API docs. Robert Allen, Pokes Report’s big dog, slid into his DMs, begging him to join the team for his spellcheck skills and knack for sniffing out BS. OKSTATE1’s holding out for a corner office and a byline, don't hold your breath OKSTATE1.
Plot Twist: On3’s masterminding a stealth overhaul. They’re eyeing a new editor—think a young, aggressive type with a knack for viral content and deep-dive recruiting scoops—to juice OSTATEILLUSTRATED’s revenue. Jeff’s contract? A legal landmine, but On3’s lawyers are crafting a workaround: Keep Jeff on payroll as a “brand ambassador” while the new hire runs the show. Meanwhile, Southernpoke’s peddling NFTs of his golf swing to fund a comeback, CowboyJD’s pitching a pay-per-like scheme, and Squinky’s Beanie Baby empire is somehow outbidding them all. Can Jeff fend off On3’s editorial coup? Stay tuned—this Stillwater soap opera’s just heating up.
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