Disproving a negative?

[Inky29]

Had a situation come up this weekend at my daughters' basketball scrimmage. A little background up front, our team is, for the most part, a Lilly white private school and we were playing a team from deep in the heart of downtown Fort Worth. We played this team and ended up beating them on a buzzer beater but the reality is this game didn't matter and we certainly didn't play/sub like it mattered (started the backups, let them play the majority of the time). The game was a little physical but not too physical or overly aggressive by either team. Anyways the game ends and we are talking with some of the girls on our team and the HC. One of the other teams' parents come over and starts ripping into our coach saying that two of our girls were calling their girls "N's" during the game. He then said which two allegedly were saying it. Neither was my daughter but the two he picked literally are our two worst players who have probably never said anything to anyone while on a basketball court. Our coach, who happens to be African-American, asked the girls in question and they both denied it (I actually believe them) but that wasn't enough for the dad of the other team. He then went off on our coach and our parents that were standing there saying that we were calling his daughter a liar and we were nothing but a bunch of racist. After a few more minutes of this and trying to let him blow off steam I finally had enough. I asked him if he had heard anyone say anything, which he had not, and he started back down the path of we should all just believe his daughter. I then told him that a few of the girls on our team had said he had exposed himself to them in the bathroom so I guess we should just believe them and that I'd rather be a racist than a pedophile. At that point, he threatened to walk outside so he could kill me and that's when the fun ended because the cops stepped in.

My question is, in that scenario how can you disprove that narrative? Once someone says you are a racist or that you used that word, without any proof, how do you disprove it? Since I wasn't actively part of the accusation, beyond the fact my daughter is on the team and I didn't pursue some type of punishment for the girls, I slept pretty easy but it got me thinking what if it would have been my daughter accused? What would you do?

 

[Rdcldad]

Had a situation come up this weekend at my daughters' basketball scrimmage. A little background up front, our team is, for the most part, a Lilly white private school and we were playing a team from deep in the heart of downtown Fort Worth. We played this team and ended up beating them on a buzzer beater but the reality is this game didn't matter and we certainly didn't play/sub like it mattered (started the backups, let them play the majority of the time). The game was a little physical but not too physical or overly aggressive by either team. Anyways the game ends and we are talking with some of the girls on our team and the HC. One of the other teams' parents come over and starts ripping into our coach saying that two of our girls were calling their girls "N's" during the game. He then said which two allegedly were saying it. Neither was my daughter but the two he picked literally are our two worst players who have probably never said anything to anyone while on a basketball court. Our coach, who happens to be African-American, asked the girls in question and they both denied it (I actually believe them) but that wasn't enough for the dad of the other team. He then went off on our coach and our parents that were standing there saying that we were calling his daughter a liar and we were nothing but a bunch of racist. After a few more minutes of this and trying to let him blow off steam I finally had enough. I asked him if he had heard anyone say anything, which he had not, and he started back down the path of we should all just believe his daughter. I then told him that a few of the girls on our team had said he had exposed himself to them in the bathroom so I guess we should just believe them and that I'd rather be a racist than a pedophile. At that point, he threatened to walk outside so he could kill me and that's when the fun ended because the cops stepped in.

My question is, in that scenario how can you disprove that narrative? Once someone says you are a racist or that you used that word, without any proof, how do you disprove it? Since I wasn't actively part of the accusation, beyond the fact my daughter is on the team and I didn't pursue some type of punishment for the girls, I slept pretty easy but it got me thinking what if it would have been my daughter accused? What would you do?

ida said later gator

 

[Been Jammin]

Had a situation come up this weekend at my daughters' basketball scrimmage. A little background up front, our team is, for the most part, a Lilly white private school and we were playing a team from deep in the heart of downtown Fort Worth. We played this team and ended up beating them on a buzzer beater but the reality is this game didn't matter and we certainly didn't play/sub like it mattered (started the backups, let them play the majority of the time). The game was a little physical but not too physical or overly aggressive by either team. Anyways the game ends and we are talking with some of the girls on our team and the HC. One of the other teams' parents come over and starts ripping into our coach saying that two of our girls were calling their girls "N's" during the game. He then said which two allegedly were saying it. Neither was my daughter but the two he picked literally are our two worst players who have probably never said anything to anyone while on a basketball court. Our coach, who happens to be African-American, asked the girls in question and they both denied it (I actually believe them) but that wasn't enough for the dad of the other team. He then went off on our coach and our parents that were standing there saying that we were calling his daughter a liar and we were nothing but a bunch of racist. After a few more minutes of this and trying to let him blow off steam I finally had enough. I asked him if he had heard anyone say anything, which he had not, and he started back down the path of we should all just believe his daughter. I then told him that a few of the girls on our team had said he had exposed himself to them in the bathroom so I guess we should just believe them and that I'd rather be a racist than a pedophile. At that point, he threatened to walk outside so he could kill me and that's when the fun ended because the cops stepped in.

My question is, in that scenario how can you disprove that narrative? Once someone says you are a racist or that you used that word, without any proof, how do you disprove it? Since I wasn't actively part of the accusation, beyond the fact my daughter is on the team and I didn't pursue some type of punishment for the girls, I slept pretty easy but it got me thinking what if it would have been my daughter accused? What would you do?

Sounds like a no win situation. I probably would have told him that I did not believe his daughter was being honest, and that it is her word against the word of the two girls whom I know and trust. If he persisted in acting the fool, I would have been the one to ask the cops to step in and diffuse the situation.

 

[hollywood]

As much as I deplore racism, I deplore this sort of crap equally.

That little girl has probably learned from her parents that when things go against you, just make something up about how someone said something racist to you. That way you get the upper hand and the other person is now rendered defenseless to some degree to the charge.

This is going back nearly 40 yrs now, but I'll relay the following story. I had a good friend (B.T.) in high school who was black, one of perhaps 12 black students at MWCHS at the time. He was an All-State defensive back and decent size. Our lockers were next to each other and one day we were both putting our stuff away at the end of the day, when this kid showed up giving him crap. The kid involved was one of the "tough guys" who was always picking fights and bullying people but more importantly to this story was a raging racist.

He starts going on at my friend trying to goad him, calling him all kinds of racist names and epitaphs for no reason in particular other than my friend being black. B.T. just ignored the guy and went about his business as if he wasn't even there. Well, this really po'd the guy as my friend was way smarter than to give him what he wanted. At some point, racist guy got so mad he pushed me into my locker, at that point B.T. nailed him and KHTFO.

Later when we talked about it, B.T. explained to me that his dad (an AF SGT) had taught him to basically ignore that sort of crap and don't let the racist get the satisfaction of getting your goat. On the other hand, if they ever put hands on you or someone around you, he had full permission to light them up. (At the time, B.T.'s older brother was at West Point and his older sister was at the Air Force Academy.) I don't know what happened to racist kid, but I do know he did some jail time for various crimes including a number of robberies, B &E's out senior year and was booted from school.

So, I can't help but think about the values that B.T.'s dad instilled in him in regard to situations like this and how it's the opposite of the values this dad instilled in his daughter.

 

[Inky29]

Yeah, it was really a no-win situation and I admit that I probably didn't help the situation with my pedophile comment. Sadly I know that trash is talked all the time on the court (my daughter has been called so many things simply because of her being white and so dang aggressive, the best was when she was called a cracker and laughed becasue she had no clue what it meant) so I'm not ever going to dismiss it that it can happen. In this scenario, it just so happened that the two he pointed out was probably in the bottom 2 or 3 girls that would trash talk. I actually think our coaches handled it fairly well and took the time later when we were done with all our games to talk to the girls about the situation. Knowing how they all love their coach it would shock me to no end IF any of them would say something like that. Pretty sure my daughter knows she'd have to sleep outside if I ever heard her talk that way.